Willpower

It's interesting to me when people say they don't have the willpower to control their eating habits and exercise habits. Where did that saying even come from? I guess I can relate because there are many days that I feel like I don't have the ability to show self-control and say no to those delicious desserts or those oh so salty chips that would just melt in my mouth. So when I decided to sign up for a 3 week boot camp with my cousin, I knew I might be up for a struggle. There was great excitement in receiving that first email with details on how my body would transform over the next three weeks. But as I perused the meal plans I realized that this fabulous trainer wanted me to go on a 3 day detox diet of nothing but fruits and vegetables. WHAT?? Was she crazy? I mean don't get me wrong, I love fruits and vegetables, but nothing else? Not even a little nibble of some heart-healthy almonds or maybe an egg white here and there? Perhaps maybe some hummus or light ranch dip? No, not a bit. But it didn't end there...I would also be working out like a maniac for three weeks, including during these days of detox. How can I do this?

Well somehow I have made it to day three. It certainly feels like day 27 with how badly I want to eat anything, even the healthy foods!

On day one Ryan made mashed potatoes with grilled pork chops for dinner. I think it was his way of showing his masculinity, really proving that he is a true meat and potatoes kind of guy. Or maybe a celebration that he did not have to consider me as part of the meal planning and could enjoy his favorite meals. I can't lie, I wanted to shove my face so badly right into the center of his plate. Smearing the potatoes all over and biting into that pork chop like I had just killed and prepared it myself. Something animal sort of overcame me, a desire to set my blended spinach smoothie aside and become a ravenous being.

Day two was no better. I survived the work day, having to say no to a free meal provided by Panera and convincing everyone I was with that I had a delicious meal waiting for me back at the office. I knew it was just another spinach and carrot smoothie, but how could I explain that to them? They bit into their delicious sandwiches and savored their over-sized cookies that were probably freshly prepared that morning. Oh I bet those chocolate chips just melted on their tongues. I hated them for eating in front of me.

That night was no better. It was Tuesday, my favorite day, because every Tuesday is Taco Tuesday in our household. The smell enveloped the house as Ryan prepared his dinner. I found myself shoving my nose in the pan while he was cooking, as if it was possible to eat with my nose. I don't even like ground turkey, and yet it appealed to my senses. The thought of melted cheese inside a warm tortilla topped with avocado...oh my mouth was watering. I couldn't even finish my smoothie of vegetables and fruit that night.

Now let me remind you that at this point in time I'm ridiculously sore. My body is aching in places that I never knew existed and I can feel my muscles rebelling against me. It's not enough to be held to fruits and vegetables alone, no I must also push my body physically through what feels like suffering, all for the sacrifice to finish these three weeks as a much stronger and leaner me.

Well day three is finally here. It's only 11am and I've already cracked. After 4 days coffee free (yes I actually gave up coffee two days before the detox required me to), I have found myself at whits end. Somehow, like an out of body experience, I not only made but also drank a cup of coffee! Don't be too shocked. When I say a cup of coffee, I mean something that pretty much tastes like dirt. Being made with stevia and almond milk this was likely one of the healthiest cups of coffee you can have. And yet despite the off putting taste, I savored each sip along with the sweet aroma. I don't know that I'll survive a full third day of detox, but at least I can proudly say that for two days straight I ate nothing but fruits and vegetables and drank only water. If that's not showing some strength and willpower, well then I don't know what is!